Where

Where were you when things were blue
Telling stories of points of view
While the things you love
Fly and melt before you

And if I was stronger
I'd tap you on that broad shoulder
And tell you the truth of all those lies
Tangled in our minds

This thing called love
dwells in those confused states
And I am scared
to unravel those lies

For that love,
Could slowly seep from  our memories
And we couldn't have that,
Could we?

So it is better to store all my pieces in a seperate box
While you list those points of view
And let things slide through their course
And continue our spiderweb lies

Hide and Seek

She had said it was a game.
A game of hide and go seek.
I was four, and I had loved to play games.
"Baby sister" she had said, bending down to my height.
"Close your eyes. Close your eyes and count to 20 and then come find me"
I had been scared, even then.
"But what if I can't find you? What if I lose you?"
"Don't be silly" she had laughed. "You will know where I am"
And she gave me one of her enveloping hugs.
I should have noticed it then, the quivering of her lips as she dragged them into that smile
The fact that the twinkle a laugh brings to your eyes wasn't there.
But I was four.
And I had not learned to look for signs.
So I closed my eyes.
And I began the decent from 20.
And I eventually struck 1.
I had not heard her leave, but I was alone in the hallway.
I began my search, starting on the first floor then moving to the top.
I had checked everywhere and suddenly I knew...she had been right.
The door to the upstairs bathroom was closed shut.
I padded over to it and standing on tiny tiptoes I reached for the door handle and turned....
All I remember from that day there on is the sound of my scream, echoing through the empty house.
They found me hours later.
Once my parents had come home from work, hung up there coats, discussed what could possible be made for dinner with the ingredients the sparse fridge had to offer.
Once they had yelled for us a million times that they were home.
Once they had realized how disturbingly quiet the house was.
As if in a dream I remember the thunder of their footsteps up the stairs
The anguished cries of my mother
My father's strong arms picking the lifeless body up from the ground, leaving me curled alone on the cold tiled floor....
Years later, the scars have finally begun to fade.
Yet she has still left her mark.
Every time I go to sleep.
Every time I close my eyes.
I count to 20, and she is there.
And I can hear my scream.

Brown Eyes

I know fullness
Now those brown eyes are through
They no longer linger in the dark corners of my thoughts
They have taken flight
I am reborn
I am repaired.
And my eyes are like a childs- seeing life for the first time
And willing to subcumb to love and let it take its course
Because your poison has seeped from my veins
It no longer penetrates my being
Those brown eyes are no more
And I can laugh
And make way for life
And pull myself this time from the heap

* Note

I am losing myself in you
I feel my feet leaving ground
And I quiver
For I am scared
That I will not be able to find myself again
After
Because After is soon to come
And you shall fade from me
As they all do
And I shall be left
To quiver

Futile

It is like I had been but a singular half,
With just the silhouette of my other side etched into being
I was but yet a hollowed person
Not so a whole
And all I was needing was a way out
Hoping as I did my life would flash
And that missing pieces would be found
But that could not be so
And suddenly
You were there
And I had found my Missing
And I realized
I had no need to be through
And I could become a whole
With the one half of you

Time

It is a night
Where there is nothing to wish upon
Not even a shadow to keep a soul company
So let the smoke swallow me
And strike off my crown
Because I have no need  for make-believe

Whirlwind thoughts caress my lips
Aching to be released
Yet no one lends an ear
So words lie frozen, bulging in my cheeks
And all I want to ask is for time
Time to roll back those clouds...

The cause

You gotta be careful around me, my love.
I've stopped caring, about anything really.
It is like there is nothing left in me...I have no want to give a shit about anything or anyone.
So I fuck everything.
Yes that's what I do, my love
I fuck to forget everything
To fill that hole inside me that you dug deep.
You took everything from me, my love
Feels like you even took my soul
Cause I am a heartless bitch.
I hurt those that care about me because I have forgotten that caring can be good
I use people, my love
To help me stay sane
But make them go crazy in the process
I hate what I do, my love
But I cannot stop
The feeling I get...the power trip
The feeling that at any point I could crumble their world makes me feel whole
I want to do to them, my love
What you did to me